"What Do I Even Say?" A Guide to Writing Your First Letter
You’ve found a profile that sparked your interest, and now you’re ready to write that first letter. But as you stare at the blank page, a question echoes in your mind: “What do I even say?”
It’s completely normal to feel a mix of excitement and anxiety. This isn’t like a text message or an email to a friend. You want to make a good first impression and start building a genuine connection. The key is to be yourself and keep it simple.
Here’s a practical guide to help you write a first letter that feels natural and sets the stage for a great friendship.
1. Introduce Yourself (The Basics)
Start by briefly introducing yourself. You don’t need to share anything you’re not comfortable with, but a little bit of personal information goes a long way.
- Who you are: Your first name and where you’re from (city or state is fine, no need for specifics).
- Why you’re writing: Mention that you saw their profile on our website and were interested in becoming a penpal. You can say what about their profile caught your eye—a shared hobby, a love for the same kind of music, or a positive quote they included.
- A little about you: Share some of your own interests. Do you love to read, hike, or cook? Do you have pets? This is the perfect place to find common ground.
2. Find Common Ground & Ask Questions
This is where the friendship begins. Look for things you have in common and use them as conversation starters.
For example, if their profile says they love classic rock, you could say: “I saw on your profile that you’re a fan of classic rock! My favorite band is Led Zeppelin. What are some of your go-to songs to listen to?”
Asking open-ended questions shows you’re genuinely interested in getting to know them.
- “What’s a book you’ve read recently that you would recommend?”
- “What kind of music do you like to listen to?”
- “What’s one thing that always makes you laugh?”
3. Share a Simple Story
Think of a small, positive anecdote to share. This helps make your letter more personal and less like a list of questions. It could be something as simple as:
- A funny thing that happened to you recently.
- A movie you just saw and what you thought of it.
- Something you’re looking forward to this week or month.
This opens up a natural way for them to share something in return.
4. What to Avoid (For Now)
Just as important as what to say is what to hold back. A first letter is not the time to pry.
- Don’t ask about their crime or time in prison. This is a highly sensitive topic and not a good way to start a friendship. The goal is to get to know the person, not their past.
- Don’t talk about politics, religion, or other divisive topics. Stick to neutral ground to begin with. You can build up to these conversations later, if at all.
- Don’t make any promises you can’t keep. Keep your communication focused on friendship and letter writing.
5. Close with a Positive Note
End your letter with a warm closing. You can use phrases like “I hope to hear from you soon,” or “Wishing you a good week.” Then, simply sign off with your first name.
That’s it! Your first letter doesn’t need to be a masterpiece. It just needs to be a thoughtful and genuine first step. With these tips in mind, you’re ready to start building a meaningful friendship.
Now, why not take the next step and write that letter? You can find all the information you need to send it on their profile page.
